Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Ramen, Sex, Chocolate

DH and I were pillow-talking last night when it hit me: RSC is the ideal weight loss regimen for women. Let me break it down for you ...

Ramen noodles: clocking in at low 190 calories per serving, ramen is also a good source of iron, which we all know is essential to athletic performance (inlcuding marathon sex) and relieving depression. Since depression can and usually does lead to overeating, iron is an important weight fighting nutrient. Add the occassional canned green vegetable and/or canned protein source, and you may actually have a balanced meal. Of course the best thing about ramen is that it's cheap, easy, and requires absolutely no culinary skills.

Sex: this is one of my favorite activities -- it's fun and it burns calories. I refer my gentle readers to
Calories we burn whilst having sex! According to She Vamp, sex with a man with a normal-sized penis while balancing on a barstool burns 42 calories. By adding a faked orgasm and supressing your frustration and rage (the result of faking it), you can chalk up another 173 burned calories. The great thing about sex as exercise is that's it's cheap (if you don't pay for it -- and what woman has to?), doesn't feel like work (unless you're faking orgasms), and is readily available. A word on "availability": if you don't currently have a partner you CAN substitute masturbation. The drawback of masturbation is that it doesn't burn as many calories, so you'll have to do more of it and do it more often than intercourse -- which for some women may not be a drawback at all, but I don't want to think about that right now. To achieve maximum benefits on the RSC program, I recommend some form of sex at least four times a week for 15-30 minutes per workout.

Chocolate: (note: this is purely my addittion; DH stopped at sex -- go figure!) No diet regimen is complete without at least one indulgence. Although this regimen has both sex and chocolate, sex has the added benefit of burning calories. Therefore sex is not, strictly speaking, an "indulgence." Chocolate, however, is just for pleasure; it is just for you; it is dessert; it is ecstasy; it is a great compliment to any bubble bath and goes well with coffee, wine, and strawberries. If you are one of the rare few who hates chocolate, get help!

In conclusion, you CAN have your ramen and eat it, too. Moderation is a good thing, but sex and chocolate are best enjoyed in excess.

Peace to you all.

(This is my first blog -- If you must comment, please be kind.)


At 6/01/2005 10:31 PM, Blogger Ray said...

I smell Andy Garcia in Paradiso. Oh, and chocloate. Nice site, Ophelia.

At 6/02/2005 9:55 AM, Blogger redstate rant said...

welcome to the blogosphere and by putting the words sex and chocolate in the same post you have somehow assured yourself of a Google or two. Good luck on your blog

At 6/02/2005 10:37 AM, Blogger James Old Guy said...

You are already hanging with a questionable crowd.

At 6/02/2005 10:53 AM, Blogger Ophelia said...

Thanks, guys!
J.O.G., I LIKE questionable people.

At 6/03/2005 8:40 PM, Blogger Ray said...

James old guy is correct, of course. But only because we let HIM in.


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